Jokes thread

[MrWookiee]

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Bravissimo!

 

[RagnarHairybreeks]

Share more!

Adhoctail, mixing anything handy for a stiff drink when you can’t find brandy and soda.

Disqualifly, swatting an insect.

Weegie board, a Glaswegian teenager without access to a PlayStation.

Country, correct term for Leylandii.

Countryside, chopping down a Leylandii tree.


Mostly they are monologues rather than one liners so not really suitable to post here.

 

[RagnarHairybreeks]

Found a couple more short ones;

To the tune of John Brown’s body -

I have seen the glory of a country called Nepal.
It sounds a bit like nipple, but they don’t like that at all.
Use that terminology and they will show you the door.
And you won’t be allowed back no more.

Which is why I have ‘not allowed back in Nepal’ stamped in my passport.


I wear rose tinted retrospectacles. It was all better back in the day.


(slightly misogynisti) The knobless oblige.

 

[Freshy]

 

[audept]

 

[drmilktruck]

 

[drmilktruck]

Bill Murray was the first guest on the first David Letterman show:



And the last:

 

[MrWookiee]

 

[Emergence]

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I just love the airplane seat cartoon. I travelled a lot when I was working as an engineer and used long flights to catch up on reading. One sure way to get the person next to me to leave me alone was to take out a stack of papers from physics journals. If the title didn’t turn their eyes back, the second page where the equations started sure did. And I never had to stab anyone.

 

[wabash slim]

I just love the airplane seat cartoon. I travelled a lot when I was working as an engineer and used long flights to catch up on reading. One sure way to get the person next to me to leave me alone was to take out a stack of papers from physics journals. If the title didn’t turn their eyes back, the second page where the equations started sure did. And I never had to stab anyone.

A woman on a plane complained to the flight attendant that a young Arabic teen was plotting to do something evil. He was working on his calculus homework. True Story.

 

[Powdog]

 

[Duo Slinger]

Why are banjo jokes so darned simple? That's so bass players can understand them too...

 

[bobeschism]

 

[bobeschism]

 

[bobeschism]

 

[MrWookiee]

 

[drmilktruck]

Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news first?
Patient: The good news
Doctor: We’re naming the disease after you.

Patient: Doctor, is it serious?
Doctor: If I were you I wouldn‘t buy any green bananas.

Doctor: You’ve only got 10 to live.
Patient: 10 days? Weeks? Months?
Doctor: 9 …

 

[drmilktruck]

 

[audept]

 

[audept]