Jokes thread

wabash slim

I Bleed Orange
Feb 10, 2010
17,732
lafayette in
Yesterday I changed a lightbulb, crossed a road, and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.
I was setting up an audio feed for a video crew in the FOH of a small theater I worked for a Catholic youth group. Three priests walked in that were there for the conference.

"Three priests walk into a theater. What is this---a set up for a joke?" I asked.
Thankfully, they had a good sense of humor. Turned out to be an enjoyable gig.
 

drmilktruck

I Bleed Orange
May 17, 2009
19,342
Plymouth, MN
A bartender said, "Sorry we don't serve time travelers here." A time traveler walked into a bar.

A blind person was eating seafood. It didn't help.

I hate it when people post lyrics from songs. But I Will Survive.

When I finished school, I applied to join the police. I wasn't accepted. I didn't realize playing guitar was a prerequisite.

After watching a lot of police documentaries on TV, I don't know why they just don't arrest everyone with a blurry face.

I'll be here until Thursday! Don't forget to tip your waitstaff. :D
 

Emergence

Gretschie
May 25, 2022
437
New York
A bartender said, "Sorry we don't serve time travelers here." A time traveler walked into a bar.

A blind person was eating seafood. It didn't help.

I hate it when people post lyrics from songs. But I Will Survive.

When I finished school, I applied to join the police. I wasn't accepted. I didn't realize playing guitar was a prerequisite.

After watching a lot of police documentaries on TV, I don't know why they just don't arrest everyone with a blurry face.

I'll be here until Thursday! Don't forget to tip your waitstaff. :D
@drmilktruck , I’ve been preoccupied with time lately, not time like on a clock, but the physics. Are time, space, and gravity different manifestations of the same thing? Your jokes take me back to a time when time was where the big and little hand pointed.
 

drmilktruck

I Bleed Orange
May 17, 2009
19,342
Plymouth, MN
I asked the doctor doing my prostate exam where I should put my pants.”Next to mine,” was not the answer I was expecting.



I went for a vasectomy yesterday because I don’t want kids any more. It didn’t work. They were still there when I got home.



It would have been ironic if everyone went blind in 2020.



Yesterday I paid a stranger to knock me unconscious, shove a foreign object into my butt and film the whole thing. Or as my doctor insists on calling it, a colonoscopy.



I went for my routine checkup and everything was fine until he did the rectal exam. I think it’s time I find a new dentist.



The bubonic plague, tuberculosis and COVID-19 walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Is this some kind of sick joke?”



If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do astronauts get? Mistletoe.
 
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drmilktruck

I Bleed Orange
May 17, 2009
19,342
Plymouth, MN
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