Jokes thread

Freshy

Country Gent
Sep 30, 2017
1,016
Homosassa FLA
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, What am I doing? I'm too old for this, and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
 

dlew919

Country Gent
Jul 18, 2016
1,165
Sydney, Australia
So a Kennedy conspiracy theorist dies and goes to the pearly gates. He finds himself in a line and it turns out that the first thing that happens is you can ask any question and at Peter will answer with the truth. So the first person says ‘who was Jack the Ripper?’ And St Peter said ‘he was an escaped criminal from the mental health hospital who the police couldn’t find.’ The weight of the question left the asker and he floated up to the next level of heaven.

The next person says ‘I was a theoretical physicist and I have to know, is it quantum or string theory?’

At Peter says ‘my child, it’s both. String theory can be observed at a lower level. You just haven’t built strong enough microscopes yet.’ Again, the weight of the question lifts off the asker and she floats up into heaven.

Our hero approaches. St Peter says, ‘what do you want to know?’

‘Tell me the circumstances of Kennedy’s death’

‘Well it’s quite simple. Lee Harvey Oswald shot president kennedy from the book depository, with an ex military rifle. He shot three times and he worked alone.’

Our hero narrows his eyes and look at St. Peter. ‘Wow, ‘ he says. ‘This goes much higher than I imagined.
 

wabash slim

I Bleed Orange
Feb 10, 2010
17,060
lafayette in
The Munsters were just parodies of Hollywood monster movies. The Addams family came solely out of the twisted mind of cartoonist Charles Addams. Herman Munster was so goofy he made you feel ashamed. Gomez was just outrageously gleeful. Both were great family men.
 
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